Your guide to writing a British Bill of Rights

Now that we’ve got ourselves a Conservative government, you can bet that they’ll waste no time sticking a British Bill of Rights where the Human Rights Act used to be. So now’s the time to get your pens – or should I say quills? (wink!) – at the ready, ’cause they’ll be on the lookout for suggestions!

But whoah there, cowboy! Our leaders are busy people, and they won’t just read any old thing that falls onto their desks. If you really want your Bill of Rights to stand a chance, you’re gonna have to do a little dance! But don’t worry. There’s only a few steps, and I’m here to teach them to you.

1. No arcane, no gain!

No one wants to read a Bill of Rights that they can understand – that’s why Magna Carta is so popular! Would you be able to go trout fishing on the Thames to this very day if the greatest charter was readable? Hell no! A good rule-of-thumb: If you can imagine anyone saying it in real life, try again.

But let’s face facts: there’s gonna be a whole lot of folk trying to get a piece of this sweet pie! So sure, you could just drop a few heretofore’s and thusly’s in there and hope for the best. But if you really want to bust it up, you’re gonna have to d’st it up! Should’st not should and would’st not would, ya hear?

2. If you like it, put a ring on it!

Luckily for us, language doesn’t evolve – no matter how much Big Government might wish it would! Remember: The words you use are the most important part of anything you write. So if you really want your Bill of Rights to last, you’re gonna have to lock it down fast!

Make sure to use words and phrases that can’t be misinterpreted by Big Government, like “reasonable”, “necessary”, “justifiable”, “well-being”, “public safety”, and “prevention of disorder”. No way Big Government is gonna get around those bad boys!

3. Get confident, stupid!

Everyone loves having their options limited – especially governments! That’s why no constitution has ever been unsuccessful. If you’re making it your mission to beg for permissions, just forget that you’re talking to damn  politicians!

Governments might go too far whenever it suits them in ordinary stuff like laws and whatnot, but when it comes to constitutional stuff things are different. Ordinary stuff is drawn up and put into practice by government. But constitutional stuff is drawn up and put into practice by government. See? Totally different!

And that’s all there is to it…

So now you know the deal, don’t just wait for repeal: get your Rights written for real, and maybe you can seal the deal!

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