EXPLICIT questions for LIBERTARIANS. You won’t BELIEVE their answers!

If libertarians are so smart, where did I leave my keys? The truth is, they just don’t know! Libertarians may like to think of themselves as “realists”, but the truth is, no society has ever existed where some people didn’t lose their keys from time to time. Libertarians like to think they have all the answers, but you’ll never see Ayn Rand addressing the problem of where I left my keys. (In fact she’d call me a moocher and a parasite for even daring to ask where I left my keys. Losing something is a sign of failure and weakness, two things librarians have an intense hatred of.) But despite libertarians thinking they know everything, the truth is that Ayn Rand doesn’t know where I left my keys. That’s why we need strong, democratic governments that are empowered to make the right decisions for all of us.

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Doesn't know where my keys are.

I asked a libertarian how long I should cook meat for. A simple question, you might think. But you’d be wrong. Nothing is simple for libertarians! Despite claiming to have all the answers, the truth is librarians just don’t know how long to cook meat for. Try it out, ask one for yourself! They’ll tell you it all depends on what “type” of meat it is, and how “much” meat you’re cooking. They might even throw around some technical-sounding terms (don’t they just love doing that?) like “subjective preference” or “well done” or “rare”. But this is just a smokescreen. For all that libertarians may like to think they have all the answers, the truth is that Ayn Rand nowhere even attempts to tell us how long to cook meat for. That’s why tough regulations that empower all of us are more necessary now than they’ve ever been.

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How long do I cook this meat for?

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